Monday, August 25, 2008

Brian in the Hot Dog Joint with the Crossword Puzzle

Today, I was enjoying lunch at Red Hot Lovers, my very favorite provider of fantastic hot dogs and wonderfully fried things, and decided to pull out my copy of this fine book of crossword puzzles. I turned to a puzzle that's been causing me some consternation for a few days. You see, the major clues of the puzzle went as follows:

24-Across: With 37- and 49- Across, possible solution to 12-Down
37-Across: See 24-Across
49-Across: See 24-Across
12-Down: See 24-Across

As you might imagine, this was a bit baffling. However, today, I finally managed to solve 12-Down: CLUE. It all then gleefully fell into place. 24-Across: PROFESSOR PLUM. 37-Across: IN THE DINING ROOM. 49-Across: WITH THE WRENCH. I just about fell over in joy as I triumphantly popped a waffle fry in my mouth.

You see, I've always loved Clue. I don't remember quite how the obsession started, but I distinctly remember begging for the board game around 3rd grade. My family soon got sick of playing it with me. In 6th grade, I taped the excellent movie adaptation off HBO and began watching it incessantly. (I even loaned it to one of my middle school teachers.) I still love it to this day. And to top it all off (and I did not make this connection for about an hour or so), I was wearing this Threadless shirt today:

Clearly, this was meant to be. I'm glad I was able to have this last hurrah with Clue, because recently, this abomination was announced. That's right, the Clue we all grew up with is disappearing and being replaced by some bullshit "updated" version. Professor Plum is now "Victor Plum," a video game designer. Colonel Mustard is "Jack Mustard," a former football player. The lead pipe is gone and new weapons have been added. The lounge, study, billiard room, library, ballroom, and conservatory have all been replaced by new rooms. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Maybe I'm just being a fogey that clings to the past (at the super-old age of 22), but this is absurd. I can understand this "Clue Reinvention" being marketed alongside the original, but to phase out Classic Clue altogether is absurd. This is my childhood, Hasbro! There is absolutely nothing wrong with Clue as it is. Clue used to be a game of smarts and deduction, but now with these new "special abilities" and the possibility of "dying," it'll be just another lame game of chance. SIGH.

Oh well, I guess times change. Regardless, I think I'm going to wallow in nostalgia and watch the film for the umpteenth time tonight and remember how fantastic it is and continue the theme of the day. To almost quote Lou Reed: "Oh, what a perfect day. I'm glad I spent it with Clue."

1 comment:

Aviva said...

Red Hot Lovers sort of makes me want to vom, but this post is great. A+