Project Runway Rundown: Fuck This Shit

UGH. Worst episode ever. After the jump, I'll explain why the judging this episode has serious implications beyond just this week.


Tomorrow, all six of the remaining designers will show at Bryant Park. This is a practice the show has always used to avoid spoiling the outcome - since Bryant Park happens while the show is still airing, the producers have to let all the designers that appear to still be in contention create a line, or else the Final Three would be spoiled. That means that Terri does not get to show at Bryant Park, but Jerell, Joe, and Suede, all vastly inferior designers, do. Let me say that again: SUEDE GETS TO SHOW A LINE AT BRYANT PARK.

This is tragic.

Beyond that, there was just way too much going on this episode, and none of it all that interesting. Nonetheless, I shall charge ahead and dutifully provide my thoughts on the various designers this week.

Jerell (with Jennifer)



This is the winner? Really? This look easily ranks fourth for me this week. That jacket is HIDEOUS. Ugly does not equal avant-garde. Seriously, those little peacock feathers or whatever at the elbow are awful, the print is unflattering, and there's just way too much going on. The gold lamé top to the dress looks cheap and tacky, and the styling, which Jerell always fails at, is just ridiculous. (What's in her hair? A lightning bolt?) Having said all that, I do quite like the skirt, and it's probably what gave him the win. The side flaps are interesting, and the flare at the bottom gives a nice effect.

Joe (with Daniel)



This is a really impressive look, although the skirt is a bit reminiscent of Christian and Chris's absolutely amazing avant-garde outfit last season. (Speaking of: how did the designers do so much worse with the avant-garde concept compared to last time around? Last season there were two stunning, completely original entries; this season, there were like, 0.5.) The top complements the skirt nicely without drawing too much attention, and the shrug provides a nice accent to prevent the top from looking too bare. A strong showing from Joe, although if Tim's blog is to be believed, Daniel was more in charge of this team. (Which makes me feel vindicated for still loving him.)


Korto (with Kelli)



I love the skirt on this. It's very Korto; flowy, lots of volume, etc. Things go haywire up top, which looks like third-rate Leanne. Also, it's not visible in this picture, but the huge mass of fabric on her back didn't add much to the overall design. It looked tacked on at the last second. Again, Tim's blog provides an interesting insight: Kelli apparently became rather sick during the challenge, so Korto was mostly working on her own. Although I still don't love the look, that tidbit makes me more forgiving of Korto this week.

Leanne (with Emily)



It looks sort of sloppy in this picture, but this probably would have been my pick for the winner. It captures Scorpio nicely without being too obvious, but is still clearly a Leanne creation. I love the way the "claws" form a sort of hood. Although still not all that avant-garde (none of this was), it was sexy and fun. If Leanne doesn't make it to Bryant Park, expect another angry post title out of me.

Kenley (with Wesley)



Positives: I got to see my boyfriend Wesley again, and he was as adorable as ever. Thank you, editors, for the gratuitous shirtless shot. Seeing Wesley back on the show is sort of like watching An Inconvenient Truth and wondering how great things could have been if Al Gore didn't get cheated out of the presidency.

Negatives: EVERYTHING ELSE. Jesus. What the hell is this? This looks like what the mildly psychotic sister of Tweedledum and Tweedledee would wear.


Kenley's inspiration

I can't say enough bad stuff about this dress. First of all, it doesn't fit the challenge at all. Nothing about this says Aquarius. (Although I did love Kenley screaming at Heidi (pardon the inexact quote), "How is this not Aquarius? It's free-spirited and eccentric and PURPLE!" Riiiight.) Beyond that, the shoulders are insane, the vinyl corset thing doesn't tie in with the rest of the look at all, and the skirt is the same poofy floral goiter nonsense that Kenley's been making for every challenge. Although the design is atrocious, it was well-constructed, and that's probably what saved Kenley. It certainly wasn't her screaming tirade against the judges, which again showed how unprofessional she really is.

Suede (with Jerry)



Oh goody, the two most delusional designers from this season get paired up, and they make... pajamas. I guess Suede is going to win or something, because apparently, he can never make something bad enough to get kicked off. But at least I know he'll keep trying!

Blayne (with Stella)



Oh my. Blayne apparently took avant-garde to mean "Make an outfit that looks like some sort of rejected Buffy the Vampire Slayer monster." I really can't say anything about this that hasn't already been said. It's awful. I'm sort of afraid my blog is going to get flagged as vulgar as a result of me posting this picture.

I know I've been hard on Blayne though, and since I won't have the chance again, I'll say now that he grew on me as the competition went on as he seemed less concerned about being a character. It was really sweet the way he and Stella interacted, and it's a shame they couldn't produce something better than this. Blayne was in way over his head on this show, but I hope he's learned from it and can move on to better things.

Terri (with Keith)



Yes, Terri was awful with Keith this week. She was rude and unnecessarily hostile. HOWEVER. Keith didn't really earn himself any sympathy points by talking about how "fragile" he was due to his recent aufing. Guess what, Keith? Stella got kicked off even more recently than you, and she worked her ass off for Blayne without a single complaint. It seemed like these two were dead set on not getting along, and Terri made a huge mistake by tearing into Keith on the runway. Since I always harp on Kenley for being unprofessional, I have to be fair and also say that Terri was extremely unprofessional in this episode.

Having said that, I don't believe teamwork was listed as a criterion for the judging this time around, but it seems like Terri went primarily because of her little catwalk catfight. Because really, this look is not as horrid as the judges made it seem. Sure, it deserved to be in the bottom half, primarily because of those weird shoulders. (Why does avant-garde = poofy shoulders for these people?) I kinda liked the bodice though, and the shape on the hem is interesting, although it looks a bit uneven. Considering the crap that Kenley and Suede churned out, Terri's aufing was bullshit. It's small comfort, but at least I prognosticated her unjust departure a while back.

sigh.

Next week: I don't remember what happened in the preview, but Suede is still around, so it'll probably be annoying and laden with stories about how his dead goldfish inspired him to add scales to his dress. Then Jerell will say something vaguely witty he dreamed up months before the show started and was just waiting for a chance to use. He will style his model's hair like Marge Simpson and the judges will give it a standing ovation. Kenley will cry and yell at the judges after she sends the same dress down the runway again for the nth week in a row, and then she'll probably win. Joe will continue to hide in the corner and say nothing, except perhaps a disparaging anti-gay comment here and there. Then, Korto and Leanne will get double auf'd, because the judges are deadset on pissing me off.