Thursday, February 5, 2009

The Five Worst Episodes of Buffy

Although my posts so far this week have been celebrating the heights of Buffy, today I'll be discussing my least favorites of the series. Although a number of episodes were less-than-enjoyable (as will happen with 144 episodes of anything), here are the five (plus one) I've singled out for shame, all of which seem to carry some sort of heavy-handed message:

Almost Bad Enough: The Pack (Season 1, Episode 6)
Xander and some mean kids get possessed by a pack of hyenas and proceed to eat the principal. A crazy zookeeper who hadn't really appeared at all in the episode turns out to be the villain. The only reason I'm not including this episode is that it was pretty early on in the series, they were still going through growing pains, etc. But this still sucks. MESSAGE: DON'T BE MEAN TO PEOPLE AND DON'T EAT YOUR PRINCIPAL.

5. Go Fish (Season 2, Episode 20)
The swim team is turning into fish because of some steroid their coach is giving them. But we do get that shot of them at the end, returning to the ocean, as they were meant to be (except wait, they're supposed to be teenage boys and now they're not.) Is that supposed to be touching? MESSAGE: DON'T DO STEROIDS THAT TURN YOU INTO A FISH.

4. Buffy v. Dracula (Season 5, Episode 1)
What a terrible idea this was. Why does Dracula have to be real in the Buffyverse? Why does he have to be so lame? Why was this the first episode of the season? What was the point? MESSAGE: DON'T DO DRACULA.

3. Hell's Bells (Season 6, Episode 16)
The main problem I have with this episode, aside from the fact that it split my beloved Anya/Xander pairing apart, is that Xander's actions just don't seem like something he would do, based on what we've known of him for the past 5 and a half seasons. It just doesn't fit with his persona; it was just Joss fucking with us because he knows he can. MESSAGE: DON'T FALL IN LOVE EVER OR YOU'LL SUFFER.

2. Wrecked (Season 6, Episode 10)
Lameness abounds in this episode, when Spike and Buffy's rough sex destroys a building and Rack suddenly becomes a really important character even though we don't know anything about him. This was the point where Willow's magic "addiction" really went over-the-top; she gets filled with "magic" by a creepy man, it makes her hallucinate, and then she desperately craves more, to the point where she endangers others. I know the show isn't particularly known for its subtlety, but come on. MESSAGE: DON'T GET ADDICTED TO MAGIC/HEROIN.

1. Beer Bad (Season 4, Episode 5)
In the worst ever episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, beer turns Buffy into a caveperson. This leads to her solving her problems by hitting the guy she had a one-night stand with in the head with a tree branch. Also, college students talk about philosophy or something. In short, this episode is a mess. I might watch it again if you paid me, but it's convoluted, preachy, and worst of all, entirely unentertaining. MESSAGE: DON'T WATCH THIS EPISODE. ALSO, HIT PEOPLE WHO ARE MEAN TO YOU WITH STICKS.

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