It's been over 3 months since I last posted, and I know a poem barely counts as a post, but I really really liked it and identified with it and maybe it'll get me back on the blogging bandwagon. Here you go:
Diagramming Won’t Help This Situation
by Kevin Brown
Grammatical rules have always baffled
me, leaving me wondering whether my
life is transitive or intransitive, if I am the
subject or object of my life, and no one
has been able to provide words to describe
my actions, even if they do end in –ly.
But now the problem seems to be with
pronouns: I am unwilling to be him
and you are unable to be her, so we
will never be them~the ones talking
about what they need from the grocery
store because the Rogers are coming for
dinner tonight; the couple saving for a
vacation, perhaps a cruise to Alaska or a
museum tour of Europe; the two who meet
with a financial advisor to plan their children's
college fund while still managing to set enough
aside for their retirement~and so we will
continue to be nothing more than sentence
fragments, perfectly fine for effect,
but forever looking for the missing
part of speech we can never seem to find.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Diagramming Won't Help This Situation
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Skating Rap Babies Love Bottled Water
Watch this:
Am I the only one who's a little creeped out by this? I think I'm in the uncanny valley here. (Yes, I only know what that is because of 30 Rock.) Also, bottled water is evil.
Monday, July 13, 2009
When Going To Church Isn't Enough
Did you hear? God's on Facebook!
The person who created that page sure has some hubris. Also, "Become a fan of God" is just too silly of a sentence.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
I Have Something In Common With A Sick Pug
We each puked on the NYC L Train between Bedford and First! However, the police didn't threaten to put me down when I did it, nor did they arrest my friend who provided me a bag in which to vom. Also, he probably had more right to do it; I was just hungover.
(Okay, so that's not the pug in question, but ain't he cute?)
Monday, June 29, 2009
Surprise! Your Food System is Unsustainable
"Food, Inc." is a very well-done, well-intentioned, informative film, and if you've done any sort of reading about the American food system over the past five years, you don't need to see it.
The movie functions as sort of a "greatest hits" of food issues; the film is composed of several segments, each one detailing a different problem. (America is run by corn! Monsanto is evil! Animals are treated badly!) This scattered approach is both its strength and weakness; it'd be an excellent first exposure to these matters for anyone who isn't aware of these issues, but it's much more likely that those who are seeing it are already quite into this stuff and won't get much more out of it. About half of it is pretty much just The Omnivore's Dilemma in movie form, complete with Michael Pollan interviews and a visit to Polyface Farm, and the other half covers the intellectual property issues that were already covered in more detail in The Future of Food. There's also some stuff about how terrible fast food is, featuring Eric Schlosser, author of Fast Food Nation. To its credit, the film does conclude with steps you can take to help solve the problem, but it basically boils down to "Buy organic" and "Shop at a farmer's market."
Despite this seemingly negative review, I think Food, Inc. would be a great introduction to these matters for the unaware, but if you've seen/read any of the above materials, it's probably not worth your money to run out and see it. However, if you need a refresher on how fucked up things are, by all means, check it out.
Monday, June 22, 2009
What Else is in the Teaches of Peaches?
Last Wednesday, I was lucky enough to see Peaches perform at the 9:30 Club here in DC (an excellent venue, I must say.) It was awesome. Click through for my review (containing NSFW language, but hey, no one's looking at your screen that closely.)
As the lights dimmed around midnight, a song began playing over the loudspeakers - it was Peaches singing "I Touch Myself," which while extremely obvious, was still highly amusing. She then ran out and performed two songs from her excellent new album, "I Feel Cream," and asked the crowd, "Are you ready to get fucked in the ass by Peaches?!" The crowd responded enthusiastically. This set the tone for the night, and if you're more uncomfortable than amused, then this probably wasn't the show for you. BUT I LOVED IT. Here are some other awesome things that happened:
- While singing "Operate" (the one from Mean Girls!) she crowd-surfed while holding a digital camera, even standing up on the hands of audience members.
- During "Mud," she ran around the balcony of the club, periodically stopping to straddle the railing.
- At the start of "Talk to Me," her latest single, she announced she had cousins in DC. Two ladies in bikinis and Cousin Itt wigs came out and performed a disinterested dance while Peaches shouted, "Why don't you talk to me?" at them. It was awesome.
- "Fuck the Pain Away" was the last song of her main set, naturally, and she started it by standing on the bass drum of the drum set and saying "I want you all to look at the peach!" A light in the vaginal area of her bodysuit then began to blink rapidly. She then deep-throated a drumstick before angrily banging on a cymbal during the song.
- Oh yeah, there were like, 4 encores too. She expressed how "hardcore" the audience was before telling us it was the longest show she had played all tour. Holler.
So yeah, it was a pretty fantastic show. She played material from every album, and even songs like "Rock and Roll" which didn't impress me much in their studio incarnations were good fun live. She's definitely not for everyone, but if you can handle over-the-top and over-sexualized, get thee to a Peaches show.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Old Jews Telling Jokes
A friend recently turned me on to a website/podcast called "Old Jews Telling Jokes," which is exactly what it sounds like. I have yet to encounter a joke that wasn't absolutely charming, and most they're never longer than a couple minutes. Highly recommended. Here's a recent favorite of mine:
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
In It For the Eggs
I just listened to a fascinating interview of Woody Allen conducted by Terry Gross on Fresh Air. As a huge Woody fan, I wasn't quite sure what to make of it; he goes out of his way to insist that he's just a regular guy who drinks beer and watches sports, but then at the end of the interview, identifies two artsy Ingmar Bergman movies (The Seventh Seal and Shame) as some of the movies he's watched the most. He also says he was always the first kid picked for a team and was never poor, but then talks about how his father held several jobs and his mother always had to work as well. He's probably just making shit up, but if you're into him, it's an entertaining, enigmatic perspective of the man that I certainly haven't considered before. Give it a listen!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Drag Bingo!
If you're reading this, you're probably already my friend and probably know that I recently moved to Washington, DC. Well, I recently did something fantastic that I could not have done in my previous homes; I attended drag bingo! Yes, on Tuesday night, I went with some friends to Drag Bingo at Nellie's, our local gay sports bar. It was hosted by these two fabulous ladies:
Shi-Queeta-Lee, and...
Akasha S. Cassadine!
Now at it's core, this event is just bingo being conducted by drag queens, but the following things greatly elevated the event:
- Shi-Queeta-Lee was on something, thus causing her to be even more insane than usual. She made a few references to giving out pot as a prize, but I think it was something stronger, based on her behavior.
- It was some girl's birthday; Shi-Queeta-Lee first called her Ugly Betty and then convinced her to flash her boobs to the bar. In return, the girl was given a bucket of beers.
- Shi-Queeta-Lee also removed the shirt from a straight guy who was silly enough to admit to being straight. He was a great sport about it, though, and I question his proclaimed heterosexuality; when he bumped into my roommate while trying to sit down, he said, "Sorry honey, I have a fat ass."
-And most importantly, my roommate won a waffle iron! Drag queen-supplied waffle brunch is totally on this weekend.
So yeah, it was a great time. If you're in DC on a Tuesday, you should go. Yay city life.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Phoenix Down
So I realize it's been over a month since I last blogged, but I'M BACK YA'LL and I've got a great video of a kitten hiding in a couch: